As a grief counsellor, I’m often asked, “How do you process grief?” It’s an important and understandable question because grief can feel very overwhelmingly. How exactly do you work through your grief and take steps toward rediscovering a life filled with joy and treasured memories?
Losing someone we love is one of the hardest experiences in life. It might feel like you’ll never experience happiness again, and even the smallest tasks can seem overwhelming. Grief can feel incredibly lonely, even when you’re surrounded by others. It can feel hopeless, like an emotional roller coaster tossing you between joy and despair—and everything in between.
Yet, even though it may not always feel possible, there are practical, everyday steps you can take to help process your grief and make it easier to live with. It’s not easy, and it takes time. But by taking small steps, it’s possible to return to a life filled with joy and hope, transforming your grief into a longing that’s less painful.
Start by noticing how you feel
“You cannot heal if you don’t feel.”
By identifying and naming your feelings, you begin to understand your current needs. Some people feel numb during grief, struggling to connect with their emotions. Others become more sensitive and vulnerable. Wherever you are on this spectrum, you can begin processing grief by noticing your emotions and when they occur. You might recognize that loneliness surfaces at certain moments, prompting you to reach out to a friend when needed. Or perhaps specific times of day are particularly challenging—you might plan enjoyable or comforting activities during these periods or adjust your routines to associate them with positive experiences.
Pay attention to small moments of happiness in your everyday life, no matter how minor they seem. Over time, you’ll find new things to be grateful for—perhaps things you didn’t notice before. You’ll discover fresh sources of joy and experiences you didn’t anticipate, allowing happiness to gradually replace grief as the primary feeling in your life.
Be patient and allow yourself time
Grief takes time, and there’s no shortcut to healing. It’s important to care for yourself and allow space for processing grief. Engage in activities that bring you joy and energy. If you’re unsure what these might be, think back to things you enjoyed before grief entered your life – maybe it’s playing golf, watching TV, or dancing to music from your youth. Make time for these activities, even occasionally, and allow yourself breaks during the day. Processing grief is exhausting, so feeling tired is completely normal.
Accept that grief is messy and chaotic
Grief doesn’t follow a structured path or specific stages. Some days, you’ll feel progress, with grief in the background. Other days, grief will dominate completely. Sometimes your emotions will swing unpredictably between happiness and overwhelming sadness. Accepting this unpredictability allows you to honor your unique grief journey, letting yourself feel whatever you feel for as long as you need. Remember, this is your grief – your journey.
Ask others for help
You don’t have to manage everything alone. Accepting help from others provides relief, comfort, and time for healing. Friends and family often genuinely want to help but might not know how. Create a list of tasks, both big and small, where others can assist. When someone offers help, share your list.
Consider categorizing the list into different areas, making it easier to think of ways people can help:
Help with children: Childcare, school transportation, arranging playdates.
Household tasks: Gardening, home repairs, routine maintenance.
Daily tasks: Meal preparation, grocery shopping, pet care.
Support for your grief: Conversations about your loved one, emotional comfort, alone time, and opportunities to make new memories.
If asking for help feels challenging, remember that it’s a skill that becomes easier with practice.
Seek professional help
If you’re struggling to cope or feel overwhelmed, professional support can make a significant difference. There are various options like grief groups, psychologists, or grief therapists like myself. Reflect on your needs and seek the help that resonates with you.
If you’re considering professional grief support, you can learn more about how I work here.
My goal is to support you wherever you are on your grief journey, helping you return to a life where joy outweighs sorrow. In our sessions, you’ll experience understanding, compassion, and genuine care. I’ll share openly from my personal experiences and ensure there’s always space for laughter and cherished memories.
You’re always welcome to contact me to hear how I can support you and your family.
