Have you ever struggled to forgive someone who hurt you deeply? It feels unfair, doesn’t it? They caused the harm, yet you are the one carrying the emotional weight. But forgiveness in grief can be an important part of your healing.
Maybe you know you should forgive, but something holds you back. The truth is, there’s a lot of misinformation about forgiveness—and it might be stopping you from finding peace.
Do any of these sound familiar?
- Forgiving means excusing the behavior.
- I should wait until I feel ready to forgive.
- If I forgive, I must forget what happened.
These are all myths—and in this article, I’ll share 18 things about forgiveness that might surprise you.
What is forgiveness in grief anyway?
Forgiveness isn’t about the other person—it’s about you. It’s not about condoning bad behavior, forgetting the past, or pretending nothing happened. It’s about releasing yourself from the emotional burden.
Here’s what forgiveness really means:
- Forgiveness is an action, not just a thought or feeling.
- Forgiveness is for you, not the other person.
- The only one hurt by holding onto resentment is you.
- Letting go means giving up the hope of a better past.
- Non-forgiveness keeps you trapped in old pain.
Does this mean forgiveness is easy? No. But it does mean it’s possible—and worth it.
Forgiveness in grief can be an important part of your healing journey.
18 things you didn’t know about forgiveness
- Forgiveness is a choice you make for yourself—not a favor for someone else.
- You can forgive even if the person never apologizes—because it’s about your healing.
- Holding onto resentment keeps the past alive in your mind, not in reality.
- “I will forgive, but never forget” can keep you emotionally stuck.
- Non-forgiveness is like carrying an emotional debt—and it’s you who pays the price.
- Forgiveness doesn’t mean the relationship must continue. You can forgive and still walk away.
- Forgiving someone does not mean excusing their actions—it means refusing to let their actions control you.
- You are not weak for forgiving. It takes strength to let go of pain.
- Resentment drains your energy—forgiveness restores it.
- Unforgiveness can impact your mental and physical health—causing stress, anxiety, and even illness.
- Forgiveness is a process, not a one-time event.
- You don’t have to rush it—but waiting until you feel ready often means waiting forever.
- Choosing to forgive empowers you—you take control of your emotions.
- Forgiveness lets you live in the present, instead of reliving the past.
- You can forgive someone without ever telling them.
- Holding onto resentment won’t change the past—but it will affect your future.
- Forgiveness helps you become the person you want to be.
- Letting go of old pain makes space for new joy, peace, and freedom.
How to take action and truly forgive
The hardest part of forgiveness? Actually doing it.
I use the Grief Recovery Method which is a unique approach to healing and forgiving:
- You write down what happened.
- You verbalize your forgiveness to a trusted person (not to the person who hurt you).
- You let go—not for them, but for yourself.
Why you should never forgive someone directly?
It might be tempting to forgive someone directly. Talk to them and say “I forgive you for…”. But they might have their own version of events. Maybe they don’t know they hurt you or maybe they even feel, that they are the one, that got hurt.
Forgiveness is about you—not their validation.
Please remember, that you are not alone in this. I am here and ready support you in any way you need.
If you want to know how I work and how I can support you in your griefjourney, you are welcome to contact me for an free initial talk.