When you lose someone you love, you lose an entire world
When we lose someone we love, our whole foundation shifts – the way we see the world, our assumptions about how life works, and our belief that life is fundamentally good. While we often think we grieve solely for the person we’ve lost, our sorrow also encompasses many hidden losses that follow their passing.
When you love someone deeply, they become an integral part of your life. They fill your thoughts, your heart, and your daily routines. When they’re gone, their absence is felt in every small and large role they once held. You’ve lost your confidante, the first person you shared good and bad news with, and even a piece of your identity and history.
If you’ve lost a spouse or partner and have children, you’ve also lost the “other parent.” The only person who, alongside you, believed with absolute conviction that your children are the most incredible people in the world, sharing the unconditional love that parents uniquely feel.
But other losses occur too, often less obvious ones.
Lost hopes, dreams, and expectations – the visions we had for our future. Dreams about shared experiences, and all the expectations of the things you’d do together. It’s still possible to lead a fulfilling life, but it will be without that special person by your side, requiring adjustments to many of your dreams, hopes, and expectations to align with your new reality.
Loss of income and financial security. Your finances may change drastically. While some may inherit money, others face significant financial burdens, losing essential income. This can lead to stress about the future – housing, employment, or maintaining your current lifestyle.
Loss of identity. Who are you now, after your loss? You might find your social circle changes, people treat you differently, or your own priorities and values have shifted.
A loss impacts nearly every area of your life. This makes it particularly difficult to maintain faith that life can still be good.
Grieving takes time. It’s not easy, and everyone moves through it differently. Each person’s readiness to take the first steps toward a life where joy gradually outweighs sorrow is unique.
Here are three suggestions to help you take those first steps:
Practice makes progress. It can be challenging to socialize, ask for help, or even handle small daily tasks. But if you practice, it gradually gets easier. Consider asking a good friend for support as you navigate these steps.
Be kind to yourself. Grief is physically and mentally exhausting. Don’t set overly ambitious expectations about what you “should” accomplish. Ensure you have downtime without commitments, doing things purely for your own comfort – binge-watching a Netflix series, taking a relaxing bath, or enjoying your favorite treat.
Express gratitude daily. Write down three things you’re grateful for every day. Initially, you might struggle to find anything at all. But persist, even if the gratitude seems minor—a good cup of coffee, sunshine, or getting through the grocery store quickly so you can retreat back to bed. Research shows that focusing on gratitude positively impacts our emotional well-being.
